I went to Cambodia primarily to do some very specific site visits. In seeking to develop partnerships for our JustUs Community social justice initiative I wanted to be sure that I thoroughly understood the mission, philosophy and work of the agencies that JustUs will be promoting to our network of friends and contacts. It was my desire that these partner agencies would pique the interest of folks in our networks – but I wasn’t seeking agencies that only focused on LGBT matters. The whole point of JustUs is to create a forum for people to join with others in the pursuit of justice for those beyond themselves. JustUs is about sharing our humanity together to better the wellbeing of others. It isn’t meant to be about our sexuality. It is a place where gay, straight or trans, people can simply come together and share their passion for a better world by supporting through finances, advocacy and prayer, the practical grassroots work of those in particularly difficult and oppressive environments.

I hope that through the preceding posts, that you’ve had a good sense of the excellent work that is going on in Cambodia.

Chab Dai: is a partnering agency that works with nearly 60 different organizations in Cambodia. They ensure there is support, training and accountability for these partners in the pursuit of excellence in service as they pursue the eradication of human trafficking and exploitation and the care and support of victims and survivors. They are doing some excellent work in the area of research through the work of Dr. Glenn Miles.

First Step: a project of Chab Dai, Alastair Hilton and his team particularly focus on the unseen group of boys and young men who have been abused or exploited. In addition to offering primary care, they offer comprehensive training to other NGO leaders to ensure that prevention and care is improved wherever children are served. They are also involved in ongoing research.

Daughters of Cambodia: members of Chab Dai, Ruth Elliot and her team work with individuals who desire to transition out of the sex trade by learning new skills and entering sustainable, fair trade employment opportunities. In particular, they have a small group of lady-boys who are transgender individuals. These individuals are particularly mistreated in their society and often have very few options other than sex work. Daughters runs a training centre where clients are trained in skills such as sewing, jewelry making, silk screening, wood carving, food preparation and service, massage therapy, and spa treatments. They also run several fair trade businesses where clients can work and begin a new chapter in their lives.

I urge all of you to consider becoming more familiar with these organizations by going to their websites. I also hope that many of you will consider financially supporting their work. New Direction and JustUs will not be handling any of these donations. We encourage you to donate directly through the websites of the organizations – which are conveniently set up to receive your gifts by credit card. Finally, please pray for their work. At times the conditions are overwhelming in this context. The degree of trauma people experience is far greater than most of us can imagine. And yet, there is hope, there is transformation and healing for those who have been exploited, and there are second chances, new chapters, and a bright future.

I thought that this is why I was going to Cambodia – and this would have been reason enough. What I hadn’t really anticipated is the way this trip would integrate with the embryonic vision that has been stirring for the last year or so. This year was my tenth year in ministry at New Direction. Ten years feels like a particular chapter in this journey. In that time, I have helped to lead New Direction through an evolutionary path that has moved us from an ex-gay paradigm into the posture of generous spaciousness. Along the way, this meant navigating a lot of diversity, conflict, rejection and change. At times it has been painful. After many years of Exodus membership, it was not easy to leave that network and forge into the unknown. This world of bridge-building is emerging – while there aren’t that many contemporaries yet – it seems that more and more people are resonating with a concept like generous spaciousness that acknowledges the reality of diverse perspectives and seeks to find a sense of humble, hospitable unity in the midst of it. So, even though our work is far from finished, I have had the restless feeling of what is next.

I didn’t know how it would work out, but I felt like the next chapter would be more international in scope. Just the thought of it seemed overwhelming. The complexity on a global level of conversation is staggering. Different cultures, different levels of openness to the reality of sexual minorities, different degrees of readiness to have dialogue around the reality of differences in perspective. It seems too audacious to think about navigating all of that.

My attendance at the Lausanne Congress on World Evangelization last year in South Africa allowed me to witness different Christian leaders from different contexts engage a conversation that was essentially grounded in an ex-gay paradigm. From my perspective, this conversation was limited by the reality that the gathering only included those from an evangelical background and was limited to one presenting paradigm. Even so, it was clear that cultural contextualization was not only essential but extremely challenging.

What could this conversation look like with a larger representation of the church participating? How might the conversation take shape if the foundation was constructive dialogue rather than one particular paradigm?

The first matter to address is: why. Why would leaders from different parts of the world, with different starting points, priorities and plans want to come together and try to experience generous spaciousness? Well it is clear that the last 40+ years of enmity and polarity have born very little good fruit for the church. So a new response is needed. It is needed because the public witness of the church is being hindered by the in-fighting on the subject of homosexuality. It is needed because the reality of diversity is not going away any time soon. As much as we might demand that we all get on the same page, the truth is that there are people who deeply love Jesus and highly regard the Scriptures who come to different conclusions on the question of whether committed same-sex relationships are a faithful expression of discipleship for same-sex oriented people. A new response is needed because gender and sexual minority persons are suffering within the church or alienated from the church. The call of the gospel is for all people – so the church cannot sit silently by while a minority population experiences marginalization. A new response that seeks an expression of unity in our diversity is needed because that is Christ’s desire for the church.

These convictions have been growing in me – and so I was especially delighted to find that in my conversations with leaders in Cambodia there was a shared desire for better understanding and for more generous space in investigating the realities and needs of gender and sexual minorities in that context. Mind you, as far I understand, the church in Cambodia isn’t touching this subject with a ten foot pole. And indeed, the church across the world is generally resistant to proactive innovation in responding to controversial matters such as this. But in the NGO world, these human realities, regardless of culture, aren’t so easily ignored.

As I’ve been reflecting and pondering the insights I’m beginning to gain about the Asian context, I’ve had the opportunity to have a couple more conversations that have encouraged me that God is putting some of the pieces of this next chapter together.

One ministry contact works with communities that speak Urdu and Farsi. These connections are predominantly Muslim. However, in the Canadian context there are also Christian churches who serve this population. A reality like a child coming out for this people group is a very challenging and difficult experience. And where the parents are immigrants and the children have grown up in Canada, there can be explosive conflict. Honour killing is not unheard of in these situations. The opportunity to learn more about the cultural context from these pastors and to offer some of my learning from the last ten years to help them pastor effectively is another step in being equipped to better understand how to contribute to a global conversation.

Another ministry connection has a new portfolio to tackle. She will be the program director for the General Assembly of the World Evangelical Association. Perhaps there will be the opportunity to launch another conversation in this context that considers more than just an ex-gay paradigm as a response to the reality of gender and sexual minority individuals.

Conversations, context, culture, connection ….. God is in charge of the timing, trajectory, and outcome …. But I am ready for whatever opportunities he puts in front of me. It is a strategic window for the church. And this is more than just a cool convergence. Lives are at stake. Harsher penalties and potential death sentences in the African and Middle Eastern contexts…..The church of Jesus Christ has the opportunity to proactively speak a clarion call to, “Do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God” in response to these matters. Let us not miss our opportunity!

I was encouraged to use the centre’s regular driver to take me to our meeting because most other drivers would not be able to find them. Indeed as paved but potholed roads gave way to dirt pathways that became more narrow and rutted as we went, I was glad to have taken their advice. The tuk-tuk drivers in the city couldn’t even find my hotel half the time – they certainly would never have found the training centre tucked into the slum and brothel district of Phnom Penh.

I was greeted warmly by one of the Khmer staff members and instructed to sign in, wear a visitor’s badge, and promise to abide by their safety policy – which included agreeing to take no photos. The vulnerability of the clients inside the centre was becoming more tangible.

Inside the court yard was a low gate that marked off the day care area. The children of the clients are cared for to allow their mothers to learn skills and work in the upstairs rooms. Most of the children were about 2-3 years old. One little guy was a climber and perched on top of the little play structure they had. He beamed and waved back at me. Another little girl had been practicing saying, “hello” and exuberantly greeted me with a very loud and repetitive rendition. Some of the children were sleeping in the midst of the mayhem of the others. Some were quietly being nursed by their mothers. At the back of the daycare was a washing station where mothers could bathe and shower their children and do laundry. There was also a health room where nurses were available several days a week to help with basic medical care for the clients and their children. There was a clinic they partnered with, I was told, for issues that were too complex for the nurses to address.

As we wound our way through the old and multi-level building I was glad for a guide. The many hallways and staircases would have guaranteed my disorientation. I began to meet the staff. People from various parts of the world were there. Some to volunteer, some to work for short terms of a few months, some working long term. Each had a story of God bringing them to Cambodia and to Daughters. Many were social workers working collaboratively to build support networks for their clients. The Khmer staff integrated seamlessly with ex-pat workers – some being former clients. Both Khmer and English were spoken with staff making efforts to learn and speak both.

After going up yet another staircase, I encountered a group of women sitting on the floor learning to sew by hand. These were the newest clients. Many of them would not look up to meet my eyes. They were very quiet and had a blank look in their eyes.

Entering another room I found another group of women doing crochet work making scarves. This group was much more chatty and engaged with one another. They were eager to show me their handi-work and several flashed smiles my way.

In the sewing room just a few girls were seated by the multiple industrial sewing machines. The power had gone out and so the machines sat idle. Most of the girls had gone to sit on the outside balcony where it was cooler. One of the women sitting by the machine looked exhausted and I motioned with my hands inquiring if she was sleepy. She smiled and nodded. The clients do not live in the centre. Some may still be working in the evening even as they struggle to leave the sex trade by coming to the centre in the day-time. This exhausted young woman was a stark reminder of the toll of living both lives.

Outside on the balcony, the women were busy with doing the finishing work on stuffed animals, sewn Christmas ornaments, and beautiful purses and bags. They clearly took pride in their work as I showed an interest in seeing what they had created.

I asked my guide why all of the clients were wearing head wraps – I wondered if maybe that was to help keep them cool. She explained that they did not want head lice accidentally dropping into any of the products they were making – and so as not to single anyone out who might have lice, they all simply wore the head wraps. To be honest I had to pray for a moment, because my first thought was that I did not want to have to deal with head lice. But I fought within myself to stay present in that moment and again try to connect with the reality of the life these precious women were struggling to recreate.

Another room revealed a group of clients doing silk screening. I immediately knew these individuals were the lady-boys I’d been anticipating meeting for many months. And my heart was drawn to them in a very particular way. I had to catch myself because something in me wanted to reach out and enfold them in a warm embrace – but I instantly knew that was more about me than them. This small group of individuals did not particularly exude external beauty but there was something magnetic. I wished in those moments that I could speak Khmer. I felt like there were stories just waiting to be told, stories that had rarely been heard, stories that few would understand. I lingered in this room, my guide clearly was ready to move on, but I was not. I felt a connection that I hoped was not manufactured, drummed up in my own sentimentality. I thought of the life these individuals had lived up till now and my heart was bursting with pain and love and compassion and hope and an overwhelming desire to somehow convey all of this to this small group of five. In the end, all I could do was linger, hoping that my interest in their silk screening would communicate some drop of the value and affirmation and care that I wanted to express.

From there we went to the coconut room so named because of the chiseling of the casing created jewelry pieces. Here I was to encounter another group of lady-boys. The five in the silk screening room had presented as female. This group of four presented as male. I confess still don’t quite understand the realities of gender identity for this group. I can’t unravel the complexity of internal identity, trauma, exploitation, and culture. I expect that these factors impact different individuals in different ways. What I can say, however, is that I was simply drawn to the person, to their humanity, to their resilience, to their strength to have survived. In the coconut room was an older individual I later learned was around forty (many don’t know their actual birthdates). He had been in the sex trade for more than twenty years. I tried to imagine the violence and trauma he must have endured. It is not uncommon for me to hear stories from those in the west who traded sex for money of johns who would express their internal self-loathing by beating the one they’d just had sex with. I can only imagine that in the Cambodian culture where violence has permeated relationships at many levels and where same-sex sexuality is hardly acknowledged, such experiences were common and consistent. Yet here was this man whose smile immediately drew me in. His countenance was pure joy. His kind and sensitive spirit immediately discernible. He had been made supervisor of the coconut room, I heard, and he beamed with a sense of purpose and accomplishment. On the wall I noticed a poster with the words to the song, “In Christ Alone”. I asked my guide about it and she told me that one of the workers had been teaching it to the clients. So I began to sing the words, “In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song….” And this man began to sing with me. I can’t quite describe what those moments meant to me. It wasn’t an evangelistic thing. It wasn’t a religious thing. But it was a moment of holy ground – of the privilege of glimpsing a life reclaimed from exploitation and violence – to a life of restored beauty, sensitivity, kindness and compassion. I glimpsed a beautiful soul that day.

As I was led into an office to meet with Ruth, the founder and director, my heart was full. I still needed to know, however, the intent of the ministry in connection to the lady-boy clients in particular. Was there a gender agenda for these individuals? Was the presentation of male by those in the coconut room an autonomous choice or a desired outcome by the agency? That these individuals were cared for and accepted, I had no doubt. But would I be able to recommend this work for support by those in my networks back home with integrity and honesty? I knew I had to ask some hard questions.

As our conversation progressed I was touched by Ruth’s humility. It was clear that she knew that she didn’t have all the answers when it came to working with this population of clients. I suggested that it was like moving forward without a map. Because these individuals have been impacted by such complex factors, each one has a unique journey and a distinct future. It was clear that Ruth’s priorities were the health and well-being of these individuals as human beings. She was concerned about the pattern of clubbing and hard partying that many engaged. For those who’d been rejected and abused so consistently in their lives, such high risk escapes were poor substitutes for unconditional love, security, and a sense of community. When I asked about the autonomy of the individual to make their own gender identity decisions, it seemed clear that I was asking questions that were framed within western constructs and timelines. While eventually, this may be a decision these clients need to make, the basic needs for shelter, food, job skills; the need for counseling for trauma, emotional support systems, and the building of trust-worthy relationships & community were essential foundations upon which any consideration of gender identity could be explored. Ruth also explained that she was partnering with First Step (I shared about meeting Alistair in this post) to conduct the counseling for these individuals since they were better equipped to navigate the complexities of orientation and identity.

It seemed to me that Ruth was used to having to navigate conversations with donors very carefully about their work with the lady-boy clients. She seemed to feel free to talk with me, given the context of my work with New Direction, about the nuances and complexities. In fact, she even mentioned to me that they needed to go back to their website and try to articulate with more clarity the priority and focus of their work with these clients and to ensure that inquirers understood that there was not a conversion/change agenda behind their efforts to create a safe environment in which these individuals could gain the support and skills needed to live a whole and hopeful future free of the sex trade.

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity to go to the centre and be present with the amazing staff and clients who make up the family at Daughters of Cambodia. There was a gentle and kind spirit about the place. I was thankful for Ruth’s time and her candor with me about their work. I do not have any reservations in recommending your consideration of this important work for your prayers, support and advocacy. In fact, I would actively seek your support for this work. As I asked Ruth what I could pray for for her personally, she spoke of the spiritual attack, the cost, the pain. And as I prayed for her and hugged her, I could sense both the calling and the cost. Please remember Ruth and work of Daughters of Cambodia in your prayers. Please consider supporting their work directly at this link.

As I prepared to leave, I heard a little but loud voice calling, “hello, hello, hello…..” and as I went, I left a piece of my heart behind.

I found it fascinating to hear him describe how Cambodia has changed in the time he has been connected to the country. In particular, he described a visible change in the general attitude and approach to parenting. In previous years, there was very little connection or nurturing of children. This sad reality is understandable when you consider that a generation of parents had never experienced being parented due to the trauma of war and the Pol Pot regime. People were numb and many suffered the effects of some degree of post-traumatic stress. As a new generation begins to have children and parent, however, one can see children engaging and interacting more with their parents.

Interpersonal violence continues to be a systemic issue. For a people who had lived through such trauma and torture, violence can seem to be an accepted reality. Glenn and I also talked about the implications of the nation’s general adherence to Buddhism with its inherent passivity and fatalism (in this particular expression of Buddhism). These factors combine to raise the need for education and awareness of the implications of such generally accepted violence.

Where the conversation became particularly interesting was when Glenn and I began to speak about his engagement with sexual minorities and the transgender community here in Cambodia and also in Thailand and India. The levels of complexity that he encounters as he tries to best understand the needs of individuals are staggering. The goal is to extend dignity and value and a sustainable future ~ but the questions of how to best do that are not so easily answered. Does a young man who was forced to work in a massage parlour since the age of 8 until 22 understand his sexual identity? Is he gay? Is he confused? Is he traumatized? Where does he go from here to find his identity, a place to belong, a relationship of love and intimacy, sustainable employment, a life outside of exploitation? Western questions of orientation and fluidity and causation seem pat and compartmentalized in the face of such sustained trauma.

In a land where sex tourism is a reality, who are the men who are having sex with underage boys? Are they pedophiles? Are they gay? In the western context we draw a very clear and necessary line between someone who is same-sex oriented and someone who is a pedophile. But what does that mean in a context like this, in a culture that has not created a hospitable space for same-sex oriented adults to live honest and authentic lives, where sexual mores differ? There are more questions than answers ….. and no simple answers it seems. The priority concern is the protection of children. But another essential priority is the extension of dignity and respect to those who are sexual minorities in this context. As I consider these complexities, it seems so far removed from the lives of my many partnered gay friends in North America.

And what about the lady-boy sex workers here and in other parts of south Asia? Are they transgender? Are they playing an expected role? It isn’t so simple to gain a clear answer. Glenn told me that Thailand is much more open and accepting about the reality of trans sex workers than Cambodia. He wonders if that would be a better climate than the current hiddenness of lady-boys here in Phnom Penh and Siem Riep. Would it make the lives of these individuals easier? Would it enable them to remain in the sex trade? In a difficult context, perhaps more will consider programs that will help them transition into fair trade employment situations. On the other hand, the potential violence and vulnerability of lady-boys in Cambodia is a great concern and perhaps more openness would create safer conditions for them. No easy simple answers here.

But thankfully, Glenn is a researcher and not afraid to look at things as they really are and do the hard work of listening, observing, asking and learning. A disconnected opinion from outside of this context isn’t of much help. But someone living incarnationally who is fearless in investigating the actual reality of gender and sexual minorities among those who are exploited and traumatized is a great treasure. Already since our meeting, Glenn has sent me his study from September 2011 entitled, “What about boys? An initial exploration of sexually exploited boys in Cambodia” and his work on the Masseur Boy research project. He also sent me an ethnography of sexualities in Cambodia produced by UNESCO. I look forward to reviewing them and posting them to our JustUs Community website when I return home.

I am humbled by the work that is going on here. I am grateful for the deep commitment and openness that I am encountering to truly extend dignity to gender and sexual minorities in the midst of seeking to understand all the complexities and to educate and raise awareness of issues that are harmful to minors and those who have been traumatized.

This is work that we need to get behind. We need to work in the window of time that we have to support those who know and understand this cultural context and who work towards the prevention of abuse and protection from exploitation while also creating generous and gracious space for gender and sexual minorities to feel safe, to heal (if they have been traumatized), and to move forward into a sustainable and life-giving future.

Glenn works in conjunction with a number of organizations including: Chab Dai, First Step, and Love 146.

Later in the day I had the opportunity to visit the offices of both Chab Dai and First Step. I was moved by the visual evidence of their deep commitment to organizational excellence in the pursuit of justice for all as they work to end sexual slavery and exploitation. Their staff work incredibly hard with portfolios of projects that could easily demand twice the number of people. They are passionate, committed, and qualified social workers, counselors, project managers, and trainers. I hope the pictures will capture for you the critical work of these organizations.

Karen and I headed over to Daughters of Cambodia Café and Spa. This is one of the fair-trade businesses run by this amazing NGO. This describes their approach:

“Daughters has developed a unique model in Cambodia, one in which sex workers come direct to the organization from the brothels by choice. Daughters’ day centre, in the heart of an area of Phnom Penh brothels, reaches out to girls working as sex workers and offers them ways out of this situation. We are not a shelter, but we facilitate the girls’ exit from the sex industry by providing a number of resources and programs that enable them to set themselves free and sustain healthy choices for their own lives. They come because they are already motivated to change their lives, and Daughters gives them choice and dignity in building a different future, that make their choices sustainable and respect their human rights. Most organizations in Cambodia that work with sex workers, rescue them by force; the process is traumatic, and in most cases is not sustained once they re-gain their freedom because no alternative job has been provided and pressure from parents for money forces them back to the brothels. At Daughters, if girls wish to change their life-styles, they are empowered to make changes by building their internal capacity and through immediate alterative income generation in the provision of jobs. Rather than learn NGO dependence, the girls learn to be responsible for their own lives and accommodation and provide for their staple needs out of their salaries, in order to foster sustainability.”And this is what they say about their commitment to fair-trade business opportunities, “At Daughters we are aiming for sustainable outcomes, in which clients can successfully live independently in their own community, and achieve quality of life. An important part of girls being able to make and sustain lifestyle changes is provision of a job. Daughters has several small businesses to provide jobs and training to girls who leave the sex industry. Our businesses are fair trade, with higher salaries than in other comparable businesses in Cambodia, and good working conditions. Clients are able to access free supplementary services built into the working day including medical clinic, counseling clinic, creative programs, daycare, and educational programs.”

We began by heading up to the café and enjoying lunch. Our server was working very hard on her English and even remembered Karen’s face from seeing her a year ago. It was hard to believe that this bubbly young woman attuned to customer service professionalism had once been in a brothel. Then a smiling young man brought us our meals. You see while the majority of the programming for daughters reaches young women, they also have a part of the program that works with the “sons”. These young men once worked as sex workers as well – known as “lady-boys” in this part of Asia. They also gain the opportunity to learn new job skills and transition out of the sex trade and into sustainable employment and a new life. This particular young man knew very little English, but his laughter and joy at serving us was palpable. This was my first glimpse of the work of this NGO that I’ve been praying and dreaming of partnering with since Karen first told me about encountering them a year ago.
On Tuesday morning, I will head out to the slum area of Phnom Penh to the training centre of Daughters and will meet with Ruth the founder and executive director. I hope to learn much more about their incredible work so that I can convey it honestly and well to New Direction’s networks. But our stop at the café was a wonderful opportunity to see some of the results of Ruth and her team’s labour.

After lunch, we went down the stairs into the spa room. We had signed up to receive the head-to-toe massage and were ushered in to get our feet washed. As I sat experiencing this foot-washing I couldn’t help but think of the account of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. This young woman was serving me – and I wished I could hop down from the chair and serve her. Again, I found myself trying but unsuccessful in attempting to connect the horrors of a brothel with this beautiful young woman so tenderly and yet skillfully (they were trained by a Canadian massage therapist) massaging my feet. The spa only allows female clients and massages are done in chairs with clients fully clothed. Massages go from the feet to the knees then on to the arms and conclude with neck and head. Such protocol reminds the client of the traumas these girls have endured and ensure a safe and professional environment for them to work as skilled practitioners. The girls, side-by-side, chatted away in Khmer to each other, often smiling, checking the clock to ensure they were moving through the massage according to schedule, following the method they had been taught to a tee. In their uniform of simple white t-shirts emblazoned with the word “Daughters” and linen brown capris, they were clean, healthy, and appeared as any of the many south Asian women I encounter in my own neighbourhood back home. As Karen and I left she shared that she’d had a really neat prayer time for the woman who was doing her massage. But truly, we were the recipients of amazing grace. What a miracle. What a privilege to be served by them. What an amazing demonstration of transformation.

While I look forward to sharing much more with you about the Daughters of Cambodia organization after I meet with Ruth and her staff on Tuesday, I hope that in the meantime you will check out their website and begin to pray for and learn the incredible story of this truly life-giving work.

I went to the royal palace today. The monarchy and the religion of Buddhism intertwine on this site of beauty from afar. Ancient artifacts intricately created by artisans lie in dusty display cases with crude numbering visible to the range of tourist eyes – the devout, the curious, the bored, the intrigued. Wood work seems almost crude with stenciled gold paint that appears to have been applied with little craftsmanship.

Is this the evidence of a people scrambling to pull together tourist sites after the blight of genocide traumatized a people, a culture, and nearly obliterated the legacy of the arts? Are the obvious repairs to broken and crudely painted cement statues the story of an impoverished people after years of civil war and cruel and evil dictatorship? Are the numerous boxes for contributions signs of religious devotion, superstitious bondage, or the reality of economic struggle?

The Cambodian people are beautiful with smiles wide. They exude grace in the sweltering heat and humidity with long sleeves and hoodies while I am nearly brought to my knees. They are eager to help. Unhurried yet attentive. They laugh – a miracle given atrocities of not so many years ago.

As I seek to take it all in, to absorb this very different context than my own, there are so many layers, so many competing images I see. I am here, the learner. The one who watches and listens. The one who tries to imagine what is fair and right and kind and just in this place of paradox.

In the heat of the day I went on to the genocide remembrance place – the notorious prison where 20,000 entered and only 7 survived. Row upon row of mug shot photos – taken as the prisoners sat with an instrument of torture pressed against their skull conveniently hidden from the camera. Except for the photo of the mother holding her baby exposing the device. As I looked into the eyes of men, women and the smallest and most beautiful of children, I marveled at the variety of stories told in these faces. The defiant ones who stared the camera down. The ones who laughed in the face of death. The sad eyes calling us to remember them. The terrified eyes pleading to wake up from this nightmare. The exhausted eyes, nearly closed, bruises indicating that the tortures had already begun. So many eyes, so many stories, so many lives ….. my own eyes long to simply go numb as so many in the photos. It is too much to take in to imagine futures demolished. But then, one sees photos and paintings of torture …. And eventually one gets to the room with glass cased of skulls and bones. Some still have the blindfold over empty sockets. Some are shattered. All stare vacantly accusing the world of turning a blind eye. They silently scream, “Rwanda, Burundi, Bosnia, Sudan ….. how could you let it happen again??”

The air is heavy, the stench is not far off. A man with his face disfigured from burns begs with a tattered hat held up to my tuk-tuk. A child, the pawn of a needy adult, is thrusting braided bracelets at me to buy. Two survivors are selling their books – sitting day after day in the very place that sought to steal their soul. Then a beautiful young woman posing for her lover, the backdrop is the braided barbed wire – suicide prevention of desperate prisoners, and she beams a massive smile for the photo. And my spirit screams and the nausea creeps up into my throat and I fight to stand.

And I am reminded, “This country does not need me or the advocates I seek to mobilize, or the fragments of funds offered…… I need this country, our friends need this country, the world needs this country…..” This I know theoretically as a good principle, a movement of intentional humility ….. but in this sweltering prison yard I know it in a deeper way, a way that doesn’t just humble me – it crucifies me.

Why Cambodia some ask? Cambodia holds not just a story, not just a lesson, but a divine invitation. Cambodia, not alone in this calling – but with its own distinct opportunity, sings to the world a lament of remembrance that speaks today in this moment. A country of contrasts. Stepping into the tension. To listen, learn, tearing the heart muscle to induce growth.

Wait. Be still. Be present. Choose to remain. Identify with. Love with tears.

For the last year, I have been developing the idea of a social justice initiative for connections of New Direction. This project will find its hub in our new JustUs Community website. This website will be a place where we tell stories, share hopes, concerns and needs, and join together in advocacy and support.

It is an initiative that focuses on our common humanity. Gay, straight, trans ~ the focus is not on our sexual or gender identity ~ but rather on our shared passion to work for peace, healing and hope. For too long, a reductionism that prioritizes gender and sexuality has limited the contributions of those with gifts, passion, and a voice for justice. The JustUs Community wants to amplify the voices of those who have so often been pushed to the margins in support of those on the margins.

That brings me to Cambodia to have the rare opportunity to see first-hand some of the projects that we hope to partner with through the JustUs Community. I want to be able to convey the work of these grassroots programs with honesty and integrity so that those who choose to engage will have the assurance that these programs align with New Direction’s core values to be respectful, relevant, relational, redemptive, hospitable and hopeful. I want to ensure that any project that I invite our contacts to consider advocating for and supporting is truly dignifying and humanizing to all recipients.

This morning I had the opportunity to meet with Alastair who is the Founder and Executive Director of an organization called First Step. Alastair is leaving for an important forum in the U.S. so this morning was the only chance we had to meet ~ and I went into the meeting hoping that my jet lag wasn’t going to impede my focus and concentration during our conversation.

Alastair is British and worked for many years in the U.K as a social worker. It was during his time in the U.K that he began to work with young boys and men who had been sexually abused. Six years ago, he came to Cambodia and began to develop the First Step project. One of the first things he did was a thorough research study entitled, “I Thought It Could Never Happen to Boys” which was the first study of its kind in Cambodia. Since that time, Alastair and his small staff team have focused on both prevention and care. In the area of prevention, First Step has developed a training curriculum for leaders of other non-profit organizations in Cambodia. This curriculum is a total of 35 days over the course of a year with a second year of follow-up. In the area of care, First Step receives referrals from other agencies and works with both victims and their families.

In our meeting Alastair and I primarily discussed the training curriculum and the experience of working with other leaders. They are currently running their second cohort and they are encountering tremendous systemic need for this training. Part of the dilemma in trying to open a subject that has typically been met with denial and silence, is that many organizations want to present a successful program and it can be difficult to acknowledge a lack of equipping and need for growth. Alastair and his team encounter a lot of defensiveness and slammed doors, particularly when they conduct risk assessments for organizations and point out weaknesses and gaps that need to be addressed.

In particular, Alastair spoke of well-established organizations in Cambodia that function on an institutional model. In these situations, children are cared for in the most efficient way possible for the staff. Rules and systems are developed in a way that primarily serves the needs of staff. As an example, he spoke of many abused children living together in a program. One of the rules was that children were only allowed to phone their family once a month. When Alastair questioned why this rule was in place – the response was that it was too much work for the staff to allow more contact with the families. In a child-centered program, however, it is recognized that a healing journey that involves the family (assuming the perpetrators are not family members) will be much more holistic for the child. We also spoke of the challenges of adequate supervision of children who are essentially wharehoused together and the risk factor of children becoming perpetrators themselves in such an isolated system.

But as leaders go through this extensive and well developed curriculum, they gain both the knowledge and practical skill to identify, engage and provide support to boys and young men who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse. By focusing on multiplying themselves through training, First Step is make strides to dramatically improve the care of victims and survivors in a cultural system that is overshadowed by a deeply imprinted D.A.D.T (don’t ask, don’t tell).

I was particularly intrigued to speak with Alastair about the aspects of their curriculum that deal with sexuality. In Cambodia, it seems that the term MSM (men who have sex with men) overshadows the use of the term gay. In the Khmer language the term “ kteuy” seems to be a catch-all term for anyone who doesn’t fit into the traditional categories of male or female or heterosexual. In this primarily Buddhist context, there seems to be a general tolerance for LGBT people. However, Alastair also shared some horrific accounts of gang rape of men who appeared effeminate in rural areas. Understanding of sexual orientation seems to be very limited among the leaders with whom Alastair has been working. He spoke of developing a new section of the curriculum that would address this in greater detail.

It seems that a few years ago, a practitioner of reparative therapy wanted to come to Cambodia and do some training with a group of organizations of which Alastair was a part. Alastair was instrumental in discouraging this training and is one of the leading voices among charitable organizations (many of which are faith-based) to counter-act a change agenda.

While targeting a gay tourism market seems to be developing in Cambodia and there has been a Pride parade in Phnom Penh since 2004, Alastair described a lack of holistic focus in many of the MSM organizations. Many of them focus primarily (and perhaps exclusively) on HIV/AIDS prevention. This reductionistic focus can perpetuate discrimination and stereotypes about gender and sexual minorities. Alastair hopes that in the future he will have the opportunity to work with more of these organizations and through the curriculum of First Step encourage these organizations to take a more holistic approach to the reality of MSM persons in this context.

Despite some jet lag, I was energized and hopeful after my meeting with Alastair. He is a thoughtful and insightful man who is keenly aware of the systemic issues that his work through First Step exposes. He is committed to debunking the myth that the sexual abuse of boys is a “gay issue”. Yet he is also concerned that in the NGO (non¬-government organization) world, staff have a holistic understanding of sexuality and the importance of dignifying every individual, including gender and sexual minorities. I am very excited to be able to review more of the curriculum and to also connect with Alastair in the development of additional material around sexual orientation.

I encourage you to check out Alastair’s website: First Step Cambodia
And I also pray that as we continue to share the story of the work of First Step, that your curiosity and passion will be elevated and that you will join us in supporting this important work.